24th November 2017
Lopsided crocodile versus thoughtful astronaut. Who wins? That’s right: the fans.

12th November 2017
Life is a funny thing. Not, like, “ha ha” funny, more like “what the fuck was that all about?” funny. Because frankly I was left shaking my head after I went to buy a new hamster-skin bathmat this morning only to learn that apparently hamsters have been imaginary all this time.
    It made me ask myself, what kind of god would allow such a furry betrayal? And I didn’t even believe in the twat, even with the buy-one-get-one-free flyers he kept posting through my letterbox.
    Disappointed and weighed down by bad knowledge, I trudged home across the fields (of gold) through a moist battering of rainy rainy rain, splish-splash.
    Then ex-president Jimmy Carter struck!