17th March 2018
So theology had never been a particular interest of mine, but when I learned today that apparently every version of the Bible was originally printed on bunches of taped-together almonds, I have to admit my curiosity was piqued.
    But then I forgot all about that when a gesticulating funeral director teleported into my living room and threw a human femur at me with deathly fury, an attack I only managed to avoid thanks to my eleven years spent training with some monks on a mountain in Japan. You know those monks who can punch a hole through your groin and you don’t even realise it until, like, eight years later? Yeah, those monks.
    Before I could apprehend the mysteriously malevolent funeral director and beat the truth of his bastardly intentions out of him, he teleported once again, this time out of sight and to Mr. T knows where. And so my search for truth – and vengeance – began…
    Turns out he was behind the clothes horse.