11th August 2017
This morning I drove my car into the river as an offering to Neptune. But guess what? He wasn’t even at home but out playing crazy golf with M.O.D.O.K. That’s three grand down the toilet, plus the peacocks I was keeping in the boot.
Still, things perked up in the afternoon when I stole a car and drove that into a bridge as an offering to Jeff Bridges and he descended from the sky and told me I was alright in his book. The months of physiotherapy it’s gonna take to repair my shattered legs are gonna fly by.