6th February 2018
So there I was singing to my sweetbreads when Jean-Luc Picard and his constant companion Chewbacca from the hit documentary Babylon 5 come waltzing in banging on about banjos and bombs and boots, so I says to them, I says, “Listen, lads, I’ve got nothing but respect for your skills with a colouring book but as you know if I don’t sing the sweet song of the sweetbreads at this time of day then Cthulhu will wake from his slumber beneath the print shop on Clarence Street and we’re all in the shit then, so take that novelty bottle-opener over there and go amuse yourself in the cellar for a few hours until I’m done, alright?”
    Suitably chastened, my spacefaring visitors left my sight.
    After my hypnotic crooning was complete, I dressed to impress in my sequined oak shirt then lay in my George Foreman Grill and thought about how maybe I was immortal after all.